The Calm (Baby) After the Storm

The day I wrote my “Wise Cheerleader: Adventures in Colic Part 3” post…Kai stopped crying. Just like that.

That was exactly a month ago and I still vividly remember watching him sleep that first calm day. He looked more in his body, definitely more settled. The change was dramatic and palpable. After two episodes of non-stop crying ~ one that lasted 10 days, and one that lasted 9 ~ he was done. And that was it.

I didn’t feel the overwhelming relief I did the first time he stopped crying (perhaps because I knew it could return). What I felt was a quiet acceptance and even a satisfied-expectation. It just felt right ~ like “of course he’s done.”

Today he is almost 11 weeks old and he’s now the happy, happy baby he “told” me he was. He’s even becoming, dare I say….easy. 

We’re in baby bliss mode and it feels absolutely scrumptious. And even though those 19 days were so, so, so hard, I wouldn’t trade them in for anything.

Those 19 days taught me more about unconditional love.

They taught me SO MUCH MORE about the art of allowing.

They taught me how to listen to my baby (and how much they REALLY CAN communicate with us if we just tune in).

And most of all they showed me my strength as a Mother. The last 7 days of constant crying, even though I was exhausted, I felt empowered. And I felt strongly, STRONGLY bonded to my incredibly brave, wise, crying baby.

As a mother who used to do EVERYTHING to keep her babies from crying, I learned that sometimes the ONLY thing you can do (if you’ve already done everything else) is to ALLOW them to cry ~ and provide them warm arms and a safe environment to work it all out.

I’ll never be able to thank my Baby Kai enough for taking me on this journey with him.

He’s been a surprise since the beginning ~ and I can’t wait to see what else he has in store.

Kai, the Diamond in My Sky!

From Weepy Mama to Wise Cheerleader…(Adventures in Colic Part 3)

Seven days ago I had an epiphany ~ or a series of them to be more exact.

It all started with an incredibly HARROWING day where I cried every time Kai did ~ so much so that when I looked in the mirror my eyes were all red, puffy, and swollen. I was doing everything I could to find out WHY Kai was crying, so that I could try to help him ~ a trip to the doctor, endless internet searches, and even 2 trips to psychics! No one could tell me definitively WHY my baby was crying, therefore I didn’t know how to help him.

That harrowing day I went to bed heart-broken with my swollen eyes, not knowing how to help my crying, hurting, beautiful baby boy. I begged to my higher self  in the dark”I just want to feel GOOD without having to change Kai ~ HOW can I do that?”

Then I woke up at 1:00 am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I thought maybe I’d do more internet searches or maybe write in my journal. Instead Kai moved around restlessly in between the states of wakefulness and sleeping, so I picked him up and rocked him… and then decided to ask HIM why he was crying.

Soon what I felt coming from him were the words “Mama, I’m actually a happy baby. And I’m very healthy, as you’ve always known. This is just something I have to energetically get through ~ and once I do, I’ll be just fine. Trust me, trust me, trust me.” And as I hugged him and rocked  him I felt waves of energy coming over us and I said “I believe you, I believe you, I believe you!” It was so moving, I got teary (again).

The next day my dear friend, Marcia, came over to do some cranial-sacral-therapy on Kai. She’s so wonderful at what she does, and it was incredibly magical watching Kai allow her to do this work on him. I held the space for all of us and focused my energy on Kai. After the session (and without knowing about my conversation with my baby the night before) Marcia told me that Kai spoke to her, saying that” he’s actually a very happy and very healthy baby, that he’s working through some energy and he’ll be just fine”. I was overcome to hear these same words come from her mouth that I had intuited just a few short hours before ~ I was giddy with the validation.

Later when Kai awoke from his nap, he immediately started crying so I took him the bath. While in the bath, I heard the words “His transition was so fast, he’s having trouble coming into his physical body. But he’s fast-tracking this and it’ll be over soon. Just allow this and support him. The more you LET him cry, the faster he’ll move through this.” This really was an incredible paradigm shift. I had been spending all my time trying to distract, stifle, and stop the crying…I had NEVER thought to ALLOW it. NEVER!

More waves of energy came over me and I decided I would be Kai’s cheerleader. With this new information and perspective I KNEW how to help him ~ by ALLOWING. So, the rest of our bath I cheered him on. With each big cry I’d say something like “That was a good one!” or “You’re doing it, Kai,” or “Good for you, Baby” and OH! HOW THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING!!!!  I felt EMPOWERED!

Kai cried for an hour in the bath, and the rest of the evening he was peaceful. And so was I.

I told my family what our new strategy should be and they were eager to help. Each time Kai cried we’d gently cheer him on, while holding him and surrounding him with love. And you know what happened? I got my family back.

My husband and I felt connected again, as a team.

My children came around to see Kai, even when he was crying, to say hi to kiss him. (I thought they were staying away from Kai because of the crying, but they were staying away because of MY REACTION to his crying.)

We were laughing again.

There was peace…even amongst the crying. We had found a way to be BLISSFUL with colic ~ by ALLOWING it.

Now, I’d like to wrap this little story up in a bow and say that we lived happily ever after ~ or even that Kai stopped crying soon after. But life isn’t quite like that, is it? This was 7 days ago. My cheerleader lasted 5 days, and then took a day off yesterday.

From Monday to Wednesday Kai cried worse than he ever has, getting red marks around his eyes. I didn’t see his smile or dimples for 48 hours.

But today I’m hopeful again. Today I’m cheerleader again. And maybe that’s how it’ll be ~ a few days of grace followed by moments of tears. But today…today is a good day.

 

When Kai is Crying… (Adventures in Colic Part 2)

When Kai is happy my family is in a GOOD place.  I thrive as the mother of three boys and watch my husband do the same as a father.

When Kai is happy we both feel that the third child is the easiest, smoothest, and even most magical transition of all our babies.

When Kai is happy we take pictures at every opportunity. My bigger boys so look forward to Kai waking up so they can “see his eyes” and take turns holding him.

When Kai is happy my world feels steeped in magic.

When Kai is happy it is precious and beautiful.

But…

When Kai is crying my boys stay away.

When Kai is crying we all pray for him to keep sleeping because when he wakes up he’s either screaming or we’re waiting in morbid anticipation of the screaming.

When Kai is crying my husband and I take turns losing it and holding each other up. My boys take turns worrying.

When Kai is crying there are definitely NO photo ops.

When Kai is crying I feel like I’m neglecting my other children and our family is falling apart.

When Kai is crying I mostly hole myself up in the bedroom with him, not wanting witnesses to my personal hell.

When Kai is crying I often cry with him.

And yet sometimes….

When Kai is crying I can support him gracefully as he works through it.

When Kai is crying I can smother his face in kisses and tell him over and over again how loved he is.

When Kai is crying I can look past the tears and see his Divinity.

When Kai is crying I can cling to him and love him fiercely.

When Kai is crying I can tell myself (and him) that it’s only temporary and he’ll feel better soon.

When Kai is crying I can fully realize the strength and grace of MYSELF as a Mother.

And mostly…

When Kai is crying I know there are higher reasons for this happening ~ that it’s something he (and we) have to go through and that we’ll all come out better, brighter and more beautiful than ever on the other side….

I love you, Kai…fiercely.

By Kate Street Posted in colic

My Worst Baby Nightmare….(Adventures in Colic Part 1)

I ran today for the first time in 7 weeks. And I ran fast and desperately ~  almost flailing even. And it was pouring rain, which most people probably wouldn’t care for, but it felt soooo good to have water on my face that wasn’t my own tears. It was actually cathartic. You see, I’ve been crying. A lot. And so has my baby.

Yes, my sweet, beautiful, angelic baby Kai seems to have colic. Or as I call it “The C-Word”. A word that has always so terrified me that I would never even linger on it in the baby books, afraid that it would jump off the page and infect my unborn fetus. And now here is my worst nightmare, staring at me straight in the face… and screaming its head off.

When my calm, peaceful, and content baby turned 3 weeks old he started crying. Nonstop. It was so bad that I took him to the doctor 6 days into it, because I just couldn’t look at Kai and believe that he wasn’t suffering for SOME REASON. The doctor is a friend of ours, and after asking me about my medication history (I had just stopped taking my migraine medicine after taking it for weeks) suggested that I take Kai to Starbucks for a big ol’ latte ~ he was sure that Kai was suffering from caffeine withdrawal. At first I was shocked ~ why hadn’t I thought of that? The timing of his crying did closely correspond to the cessation of my medication. Then I was relieved ~ if it was caffeine withdrawal then it would be over soon. Next I was triumphant ~ I KNEW my babies didn’t get colic!

I think I was almost jubilant when I relayed the news to my husband (yes, I could have easily gone down the whole “it’s all my fault he’s suffering because I took Excedrin” road but I made a very conscious choice NOT to go there, because frankly, I couldn’t function without my medication….and that’s that).

Our doctor-friend told us that it would work itself out of his system in a few days and he should be just fine. And guess what? Four days later Kai stopped crying and went back to our calm and content baby. I was so relieved I wanted to shout from the roof-tops “My BABY is better! My baby is BETTER! MY BABY IS BETTER!!!!!!!”

Oh, the profound and utter RELIEF after ten days of hell. Ten days that made me so sympathetic and empathetic to parents (especially sensitive, hormone-ridden mothers) who had to endure this for days and weeks and months on end. Ten days where I seriously considered seeking out medical help and a bottle of pills because I suspected I might have Postpartum Depression. Oh, the absolute, complete, and rapturous (and I admit, somewhat smug) RELIEF. It really was one of the sweetest emotions I’ve EVER had.

Then one week later, Kai started crying again.

And I immediately started crying with him, as I was totally heartbroken to be in this place again. If you’ve never been in this place then you’ll never understand the gamut of emotions it brings out in you. The despair, frustration, anger, helplessness, hopelessness and rage ~ sometimes all in the span of sixty seconds. If you have been there, then you deserve a freakin’ medal ~  the Purple Heart, because living with colic does wound you. Maybe not mortally, but close.

So often in the middle of his crying jags (which for the record don’t come at night for just a couple of hours, but come pretty much EVERY time he is awake, making the whole day a horror movie) I’d picture myself running from the house screaming ~ just running out the front door and leaving it all behind me.

So when I went running today, I ran as if I really WAS running away ~ fast, desperate, and flailing. Perhaps I should have taken it easy as it was my first postpartum run (we shall see how I feel tomorrow!) but at that time I NEEDED to run and run FAST, to at least pretend I was putting it all behind me. A mile into it I started to feel better. Two miles into it I actually started to hear the sound of my inner voice again (which had been so drowned out by the screaming).  At the end of my run I asked for the stamina and wisdom to support Kai as he goes through this brief period of time.

Hearing my inner voice (which is always wisest on my runs) and feeling the endorphins gave me the strength to go back home. I even WANTED to go back home. It was actually a blissful drive home and I felt I could handle my horror movie of a day ~ maybe even gracefully.

I came home to a smiling husband and a quiet baby, all swaddled up and sleepy. The crying inevitably started again when Kai awoke, but for the first time in four days I didn’t cry with him. I was even provided with the wisdom to handle his crying in a much different way, a way in which I felt empowered and even graceful (which I’ll share in future posts).

So yes, Kai cried his sweet little head off today, but it was a good day. A day that didn’t end with me feeling broken. I even feel like maybe I can make it through another day. We shall see….

(There’s so much more to say but this post is getting too long. Stay tuned for more of my colic-musings. In the meantime I wish you wisdom, grace, and happy babies.)

Confessions from My Baby-Moon (or the Things a Mama “Shouldn’t” Say)


First off, in case you’re not familiar with the term “baby-moon” it’s very similar to a honeymoon ~ except it’s the bonding and falling in love with a newborn baby. Typically the baby-moon phase lasts anywhere between 4-12 weeks. I’m smack-dab in the middle of week number 2 and oh, how fiercely I love my little dark-haired son. Oh, the moments of bliss as I touch his tiny little toes and kiss his sweet little mouth. And when he’s awake and looking around with his dark blue newborn eyes, I truly feel as though I’m in the presence of greatness. So often I’m moved to tears as I luxuriate in his beauty and his newness.

But, I must confess, it’s not always like this. When he was just 2 days old and I was still grappling with the shock that I was nuzzling a boy instead of my Lilah I started to feel anger…no, RAGE…bubbling up inside me. It was night-time and my husband, Graeme, and I were trying to navigate bedtime with our 6 year old son Finn and 3 year old son Roan, as well as take care of our newborn son Kai. My 3 year old had been awakened by the baby and we had to start all over. As Graeme went downstairs with our Baby Kai, I noticed the rage gurgling in my heart. I wasn’t angry with Roan for waking up or with Kai for waking him up…I was angry with Lilah. VERY angry. Overcome with fatigue, overtaken with exhaustion, and overwhelmed with the realization that I had yet another nursling who will be attached constantly, limiting my time and my freedom, I really let her have it. I was willing to do this all over again for HER ~ as I felt she’d been asking. Frankly, I never really thought of having three children until she came to me and for HER I decided to do it.

So I started mentally yelling at her. “How DARE you!” I raged.  “How DARE you! After 3 years of dreams, intuitions, and visions of you! After all the promises of you! How DARE you visit my friends in dreams! How DARE you make me draw the “Daughter” card over and over from my oracle decks! How DARE you send me all these signs that you’re on your way! I put myself out there claiming my certainty of you thinking I was spreading the magic of prebirth communication…and now I feel that everyone is disappointed for me! How DARE you not show up!”  

The anger, I must admit, felt REALLY GOOD. I allowed myself to rage as needed, silently and quietly in my head. The next morning I woke up with it still lingering as I vehemently cleared the “Daughter” card from my alter and covered her name up on my vision board. And as I did this I heard her say, “Your anger is appropriate. Give it to me ~ I can handle it.” So I did and I even called her a few choice names as I yelled and cried.

My beloved husband came in shortly thereafter, saw my tears and asked if I wanted to talk about it. “Okay,” I said, “But it’s not going to be pretty.” And then he provided me with a safe place to vent and process my feelings, with no judgment. He fully supported me and even agreed with me, which is what I so badly needed.

As the day continued on I started to feel more peaceful and, at times, even elated. I felt Lilah again and I felt her celebrating. My anger was not only appropriate, it was essential ~ and acknowledging it instead of repressing it was allowing me forward LEAPS in our journey. It would have been so easy to repress it ~ as we’re just not “supposed” to have such thoughts after giving birth to a healthy baby. And we’re certainly not “supposed” to talk about it. But acknowledging those things I’m not “supposed” to brought me to a new place ~ a place not just of acceptance, but a place of embracement (it’s not a word, but it should be). I found a place where it finally started to feel RIGHT to say the name “Kai,” a place where it feels PERFECT to have another boy, and a place where I don’t have to understand everything in order to be at PEACE with it.

Interestingly enough, I’ve never felt a shred of anger toward my newborn, Kai. Curiosity yes, anger no. And maybe that’s because I was gifted with safe places to process my anger ~ with my husband and with Lilah.

Many friends have said they don’t feel like Lilah and I are done, and I can’t help but agree. I don’t know what form it will take but I feel we’re destined to meet one day. In the meantime I’m finally (and quickly) in a state of embracing and rejoicing Kai. Thank you, Lilah and Kai, for the gifts in each moment of our journeys together. I love you both….

Our Angel, Kai

Love from Baby….Birth Announcement.

August 15th ~

I’m lying here on the bed next to my tiny, dark-haired baby….BOY. I already love him so much. Though he is a stranger, I already know his wisdom and courage. He’s already shared with me that it’s appropriate to mourn Lilah even as I rejoice with him.

We had an easy, gentle and fast birth in the privacy of our candle-lit bathroom ~ just my husband and me, as we are accustomed. I had started feeling MUCH better on August 13th (the full moon) and my husband and I both knew I would give birth shortly after I started feeling better. That night of August 13th, I went to bed feeling such RELIEF that I was feeling blissful ~ I felt like I had made to the other side of something extremely powerful that I still can’t even comprehend. Baby and I enjoyed an exchange of intermingling feelings of relief, bliss, and accomplishment…and now that I think about it, Baby was moving around so much that night that perhaps that is when Lilah switched with him.

I know gender-switching sounds crazy, but there are others who believe this to be a real phenomena that can happen in the womb..and I can’t help but feel that’s what happened in this case, because I KNOW Lilah was there. I also know that the “healing crisis” I went through the past 3 weeks has a lot to do with this outcome. From material that fell in my lap, it’s obvious that part of what I was experiencing was an internal rewiring to help me withstand higher frequencies AND to help me give birth to a high vibrational baby ~ THIS is that baby and I feel Lilah has gifted us with him.

And though I wholeheartedly embrace this beautiful gift, I know I must mourn Lilah as I’ve been expecting her for over 3 years, have dreamed about her constantly, shopped for her blissfully and felt like I already knew her. So this morning I tearfully packed all her clothes away and said goodbye. I’m so disappointed not to be meeting her but I know all is PERFECT and in Divine Order. Maybe someday soon I’ll get a glimpse of the bigger picture ~ for now I need to say goodbye to her so I can fully move toward this handsome, dark-haired boy who has so much to teach me.

He’s nameless for now, but we’re leaning toward “Kai” ~ which means REJOICE.

Happy Birthday, Little Boy. We love you.

P.S. There is a large part of me that feels guilty even writing out these words as I’ve been blessed with a beautiful, HEALTHY baby and another beautiful birth. But denying my feelings would not serve me ~ and I think it’s important for others to read this in case they’ve ever felt guilty for the same feelings. My disappointment over not meeting Lilah doesn’t in any way diminish my love for this new, wonderful boy. There is wisdom in the journey, just as there is wisdom in the sharing. And now that I’ve told my story, I’m feeling much peace. Off to cuddle my newborn. Love to you….

For those of you concerned….

I’ve received some emails, phone messages, and FB posts from those who are concerned and tracking my end-of-pregnancy-adventure. I probably should have posted something sooner, but frankly I just haven’t had the energy. I’ve just been cocooned in my house and attempting to find “harmony in my healing,” as one dear friend so eloquently put it.

First and foremost, I just want to say that BABY IS FINE. Even I am FINE. In case you missed the update in one of my earlier posts, here it is:

UPDATE: Good news from my midwife ~ it’s NOT preeclampsia. My urine is healthy, my blood is healthy, and my blood pressure is back to normal. Baby is fine too. The headaches seem to be an anomaly. I’ve been getting a lot of support and energy work and am feeling about 20% better (though I’m soooooo exhausted).  I’m still exploring all options and have an appt with a hospital midwife on Monday. All bases are being covered and I’m open to whatever direction it takes. Thank you ALL so much for your love and support ~ it’s bolstered me during this challenging time. Love to you! 

                                                                    ******

That update was from a week ago. Since then I’ve been to the chiropractor again, had some fabulous acupuncture and cranial-sacral-therapy from 2 wonderful friends and my head-pain has diminished about 70%. It seems that my spine and neck are quite out of alignment and I can attest that this baby is carrying VERY differently than my first two ~ all out in front.

I had an appointment with a hospital midwife on Monday, and I have to say I was SO IMPRESSED! She was totally accepting of everything on my birth plan, assured me they would be there if I needed, but told me they were still hoping I’d get the homebirth I’m used to. So this morning I filled out the paper work for both the hospital and for a home-birth-certificate ~ and am truly remaining open to whatever direction this takes.

So, I’m still in a little pain, but I haven’t taken any Tylenol in 3 days and I’m teaching myself to embrace and relax into the discomfort ~ simply accepting the pain instead of running or resisting it, I have to say, has probably brought me more healing than anything else. And  as I’ve learned, that’s the secret to giving birth as well.

Truthfully, the past 2+ weeks have been a gift. Though it’s been challenging in SO MANY ways, I’ve stretched my comfort-zone so much that there isn’t even a zone anymore. I’m truly open in a way I’ve never been open before. I’m not trying to control the situation, as I’m so accustomed to doing. I’m experiencing a true surrender to the Divine Flow and knowing no matter where it takes me, I’m empowered, powerful, AND protected.

Thanks for caring and love, love, LOVE to you.

Inviting my daughter to be…..a boy.

It feels a bit strange to be writing this post so close on the heels of my very first post where I declared the certainty of my unborn babe being a girl…

…but in every attempt to alleviate this two-week-long-headache, some have suggested to me that I may want to try to mentally accept that this babe might be a boy. Interestingly enough, the thought that this could be contributing to my headache had really never crossed my mind. But if anything, this baby has taught me about letting go, being flexible, and having a Plan B (I’ve never been a Plan B sort of gal. EVER.).

So yesterday my husband, little boys, and I held a “Family Circle” on the floor around a candle where we formally invited baby into our lives ~ and asked her to do so safely, soundly, and totally healthy. Then I told Lilah that I accept and welcome the boy energy that is floating around her, whether it’s her angel, an energetic twin, or Lilah herself. Of course, we needed to pick out a different name so we chose a family name of my husbands’.

Am I still certain my baby is girl? I have to admit that yes I am, but I’m trying to be open to another son. So without further ado, let me introduce our Plan B:  our little boy Kai Levick.

Will I go from 2 homebirths to a C-section? Maybe…..

I have to admit just writing the title of this post scares the shit out of me. But I’m in a place of accepting this may the way little Lilah has to come into the world.

Not only were my first 2 births homebirths, they were unassisted homebirths ~ I labored totally on my own and only let my husband in when I felt each baby wiggling out. Both were indescribable peak experiences. Each left me feeling incredibly POWERFUL, like I could do absolutely anything. Sometimes I draw upon the power of these births when I’m feeling the need for confidence or empowerment.

Even though I would prefer to only give birth in this manner, I’ve had the feeling since the beginning of this pregnancy that Lilah may need something a little different.  My husband has even admitted to wanting more support for this particular birth, for reasons he is unable to articulate.  I think we are both picking up on Lilah’s needs and I’ve often had the vision of a midwife here at our house silently in the background while I labor.

Just making the leap from unassisted homebirth to a midwife attended homebirth is a big leap for me….and now it’s my best case scenario.

I’ve had a migraine headache for the past 10 days and despite energy work, acupuncture, and an appointment with a chiropractor just 4 hours ago, it’s still there full-force and throbbing away.

I’m very fortunate to have a midwife I’ve been able to call-on (as unassisted birthers like myself are a huge liability to them) and she’s been helping me the past week. She got high blood pressure readings from me the last 2 days, and that on top of a migraine can indicate a problem. So together with my husband we all discussed the different scenarios that may happen, and one of them just may be to go to the hospital and get the baby OUT. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d ever have this kind of conversation….and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d find a place of acceptance this quickly.

But one of the beauties of pre-birth communication is being able to tune in to our children and their needs, and if this is what she needs then I’m on board…even if it does scare the shit out of me.

Luckily my blood pressure has come down (I’m thinking it was caffeine-induced, as I NEVER drink caffeine and I’ve been throwing it back with tylenol to ease my headache pain). My husband has been monitoring it constantly and both he and the chiropractor got readings of 118/80.

But the headache…oh, the headache.

So, what am I doing? Due to a fortuitous phone conversation from Amanda, one of my Fairy-Friends in Guam last night, ( who happened to call at a time I was up throbbing in pain) I’ve decided to prepare for both. I’m going to contact a doctor and write up a birth plan while I also talk to my midwife about being here at home for the birth.

My first two births taught me how powerful I am, and I now know no one can rob me of that power. And as I’ve said to a couple of my friends since last night, maybe I had these 2 wonderful births to prove to myself how empowering birth can be at home…and maybe my role right now is to prove how empowering birth can be at a hospital, no matter what the circumstances.

No matter what happens, I’m trusting….trusting my daughter, trusting that all is unfolding exactly as it should, and trusting I’ll come out of this more powerful than ever….

P.S. I think I’m beginning to understand why I started this blog so close to birth ~ Lilah wants to talk to you too and have you witness our journey, no matter what it may be.

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UPDATE: Good news from my midwife ~ it’s NOT preeclampsia. My urine is healthy, my blood is healthy, and my blood pressure is back to normal. Baby is fine too. The headaches seem to be an anomaly. I’ve been getting a lot of support and energy work and am feeling about 20% better (though I’m soooooo exhausted).  I’m still exploring all options and have an appt with a hospital midwife on Monday. All bases are being covered and I’m open to whatever direction it takes. Thank you ALL so much for your love and support ~ it’s bolstered me during this challenging time. Love to you! 

 

Close Encounters of My Third Child

My wonderful, sweet daughter ~ she’s been in my life for 3 years now and she continues to amaze me. She loves horses, dolphins, piano-playing and her favorite colors are pink, yellow, and purple. She adores her 2 older brothers, who dote on her. She’s taught me so much and also helped me unlearn so much. She’s taught me about what’s important and what to let go. She’s taught me more about going with the flow. She’s also given me courage and helped me embrace myself in a whole new way.

Did I mention that she hasn’t been born yet? She’ll be here in approximately 2-3 more weeks and I can’t wait to hold this amazing being in my arms and look into her eyes (that are either going to be blue, green, or a combination of both).

Perhaps you’re wondering how I know so much about her since she’s still gestating. It’s simple ~ she told me.

My self-named daughter, Lilah Skye, has been coming to me since my second son, Roan, was 4 months old. She comes to me in intuitions and visions, but mostly she comes to me in dreams. It’s been like this with all my children ~ they come to me in dreams telling me what gender they are, what they look like, and what their names are. And perhaps because I was so open to this type of communication with my first two children, Lilah decided to tell me a little more about herself ~ which I have enjoyed thoroughly.

At nine months pregnant, you can imagine how many people have asked me if I know what I’m having. From the very beginning I’ve always said “it’s a girl” and it’s always assumed that this was confirmed by ultrasound. When I tell them otherwise, some are skeptical (just goes to show that it’s normal to trust machines before trusting intuition).

So I started elaborating my response, telling them about my prebirth dreams with my boys and how those turned out to be accurate ~ and surprisingly, this was always met with surprise and excitement. It engaged me in conversation and I always left these conversations pleased that I was planting the seeds of pre-birth communication.

“What if she turns out to be a boy?” I’ve also been asked many times. Frankly, I can’t even entertain the thought, it just doesn’t feel right ~ and this makes a lot of people uncomfortable. They’re uncomfortable with my certainty thinking that I’m setting myself for a major disappointment because I “want a girl so badly”. But the truth is I don’t want a girl so badly, I want Lilah~who has been coming to me for over 3 years now and feel I already have a relationship with.

Are there times I’m uncertain? Sure, but those moments don’t last very long. I look at my 2 boys and all that they’ve taught me ~ and that is to trust my intuition and to trust my children.

I believe in you, Lilah Skye, and I can’t wait to meet you very, very soon.

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To read my first experience in pre-birth communication click HERE.